Resource Guide for Domestic Violence

If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. If calling isn’t safe, consider texting a trusted person, going to a neighbor/public place, or using a chat-based hotline (listed below). If you’re reading this for someone else, you’re already doing something important: you’re making options visible.

Domestic violence can make your world feel smalllike your choices have been quietly replaced with “rules.” This guide is here to do the opposite: widen the hallway, turn on the lights, and put the most useful resources in one place. You deserve support that is practical, confidential, and on your terms.

What Counts as Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence) isn’t just physical harm. It’s a pattern of behaviors used to gain power and control. Sometimes it escalates quickly. Sometimes it’s a slow drip that makes you doubt your own reality. Common forms include:

Physical and Sexual Abuse

• Hitting, slapping, pushing, choking/strangulation, restraining, using weapons
• Sexual coercion, assault, reproductive coercion (tampering with birth control, pressure to get pregnant)

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

• Humiliation, insults, threats, “jokes” that are actually cruelty
• Gaslighting (making you question your memory or sanity)
• Isolation from friends, family, coworkers, faith community

Financial Abuse

• Taking your paycheck, sabotaging your job, controlling accounts
• Running up debt in your name, refusing access to basic needs

Technology-Facilitated Abuse

• Tracking location, monitoring messages, demanding passwords
• Harassment via constant texts/calls, using social media to intimidate

Important note: If you’re thinking “It’s not that bad because I’m not bruised,” you’re not aloneand you’re not wrong to take it seriously. Abuse is still abuse even when it’s “quiet.”

If You Need Help Now: Fast, Confidential Options

Here are reliable U.S.-based starting points. You do not need to have a perfect plan or the “right words.” You can start with: “I’m not sure what to do.”

24/7 Domestic Violence Support

• National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 800-799-7233 (TTY 800-787-3224), text START to 88788, or use live chat.
• love is respect (teens/young adults, dating abuse) Call 866-331-9474, text LOVEIS to 22522, or chat online.
• United Way 211 Dial 211 to find local shelters, legal aid, food, housing help, counseling, and more.

Related Crisis Support (When DV Overlaps With Other Harm)

• RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline Call 800-656-4673 or use online chat.
• Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 support.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988 if you’re in emotional crisis or feel unsafe with yourself.
• SAMHSA National Helpline Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for treatment referrals and information related to mental health or substance use.
• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline Call or text 800-422-4453 if a child may be experiencing abuse/neglect.
• National Human Trafficking Hotline (Polaris) Call 1-888-373-7888, text BeFree to 233733, or use live chat.

Tip: If privacy is a concern, ask the advocate: “Will anything show up on my phone bill or call log? What’s the safest way to contact you?” They hear this question every day.

Safety Planning: The “Small Steps” That Can Save Big Stress Later

A safety plan is a personalized, practical set of steps you can use whether you’re staying, preparing to leave, or already gone. Think of it like keeping a spare key: you hope you never need it, but you’ll be glad it exists if you do.

If You’re Staying for Now

• Identify safer areas in the home (avoid rooms with weapons; try to move toward exits during conflict).
• Create a code word with a friend/family member that means “call me” or “call 911.”
• Plan your exits from common rooms. Practice mentally like a fire drill (not dramaticjust prepared).
• Document patterns safely (if safe): dates, threats, injuries, property damage. Store it where the abusive person can’t access it.

If You’re Thinking About Leaving

• Build a “go list”: ID, birth certificates, Social Security cards, keys, meds, insurance cards, important numbers, a little cash.
• Choose a destination: trusted friend, family, shelter, hotel, or a public place where you can pause and call for help.
• Consider timing (when the abusive person is away or distracted). An advocate can help you weigh risks.

If You’ve Left

• Change routines (routes, pickup times) if it’s safe and feasible.
• Tell key people (work, school, childcare) what’s happening, and share any relevant court orders.
• Keep copies of protection orders and important documents in multiple safe places.

If you want a guided way to create a plan, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers structured safety-planning tools and options.

Digital Safety: Your Phone Can Be a Lifeline… and Sometimes a Leak

Technology is often misused in abusive relationshipsespecially location sharing, account access, and “helpful” devices that become uninvited witnesses (smart speakers, shared tablets, home cameras). You don’t have to become a cybersecurity expert overnight. Start with safer basics:

Low-Drama, High-Impact Steps

• Use a safer device when possible (a friend’s phone, work computer, library computer) to research resources.
• Check location sharing on apps (maps, social media, family tracking, shared photo albums).
• Update passwords to a new email account that the abusive person doesn’t know exists, and turn on two-factor authentication.
• Review shared plans (phone plans, cloud storage, “Find My” features). Shared accounts can mean shared visibility.
• Before removing suspicious apps, consider talking to a trained advocatesudden changes can escalate risk in some situations.

For survivor-focused guidance, organizations like the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) and technology safety toolkits provide clear, plain-language steps that prioritize safety over perfection.

Medical Help: Care, Documentation, and Your Choices

If you have injuries, strangulation symptoms (hoarseness, trouble swallowing, dizziness), or sexual assault concerns, consider medical attention as soon as you can. You can ask for a provider trained in trauma-informed care. Medical records can also help document harmbut your health comes first.

If sexual assault is part of the situation, RAINN can help you find local services, including forensic exams, counseling, and reporting options. You can also ask about privacy and what gets shared.

Legal Options: Protection Orders, Police Reports, and What to Expect

Legal options vary by state, but many survivors consider some combination of:

• Protection (restraining) orders to limit contact, harassment, and proximity
• Custody and visitation arrangements designed with safety in mind
• Criminal charges if you choose to report violence

Protection Orders in Plain English

A protection order is a court document that can require an abusive person to stop contacting you, stay away from your home/work/school, and sometimes address firearms, housing, and child-related provisions depending on state law. Some states offer emergency or temporary orders quickly, followed by longer-term hearings.

For state-by-state explanations written in human language (not “legalese”), WomensLaw.org is a strong starting point. If you want someone to walk you through options without pushing you, a hotline advocate can also connect you to local legal aid or court advocacy.

Housing Rights and Financial Stability: Two Places Abuse Likes to Hide

Leaving is often less about courage (you have that) and more about logistics: housing, money, childcare, transportation, and safety. The good news is there are protections and programs designed for exactly this.

Housing Protections Under VAWA

If you live in certain federally assisted housing programs, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) includes protections for survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking. Depending on your situation, this may include confidentiality protections and options like emergency transfers.

Financial “First Aid” Ideas

• Open a separate account at a different bank (if safe) and consider paperless statements to a safer email.
• Gather essentials: ID, proof of income, important account numbers, insurance details.
• Ask local programs about emergency funds, transportation support, childcare help, and rental assistance (211 can point you to local options).

These steps don’t need to be perfect. They just need to move you from “stuck” to “supported.”

Immigration Concerns: You Still Have Rights

Abuse often includes threats like “I’ll get you deported” or “No one will believe you.” In reality, there are legal pathways and protections for some survivors, including options connected to VAWA. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) provides official information for VAWA self-petitioners who may be eligible to seek lawful status without relying on an abusive family member.

If immigration is part of your situation, consider speaking with a qualified immigration attorney or a legal aid organization experienced with survivor cases. You can ask about confidentiality and safe contact methods.

How to Help a Friend Without Making It Weird (or Risky)

Supporting someone experiencing domestic violence can feel like walking on eggshellsexcept the eggshells are on fire and someone is timing you. Here’s a steadier approach:

Do This

• Believe them and thank them for telling you.
• Ask what they want (“Do you want advice, a ride, a place to store documents, or just someone to listen?”).
• Offer specific help (“I can pick you up at 6,” beats “Let me know if you need anything.”).
• Keep it confidential unless there’s immediate danger or mandatory reporting applies (especially with children).
• Encourage professional support (hotline advocates are trained for this).

Avoid This

• “Why don’t you just leave?” (Leaving can be the most dangerous time.)
• Confronting the abusive person (this can escalate harm and reduce safety)
• Making promises you can’t keep (“I’ll fix this,” when what you can do is support)

Frequently Asked Questions

Will calling a hotline get the abusive person arrested?

No. Hotlines generally provide confidential support, safety planning, and local referrals. They can explain reporting options, but the goal is to help you understand choicesnot force a path.

What if I don’t have money, transportation, or a safe place to go?

You are exactly who these services exist for. Shelters, transitional housing programs, and local nonprofits may help with transportation, emergency lodging, food, counseling, and legal advocacy. Dialing 211 can quickly connect you to local resources.

What if the abuse is “only” verbal or emotional?

Emotional abuse can be deeply damaging and often escalates. You still deserve help. Many advocates can support you with safety planning, counseling referrals, and strategies for rebuilding independence.

Can men, LGBTQ+ people, and older adults use these resources?

Yes. Domestic violence impacts people of all genders, orientations, and ages. If you ever feel dismissed by one doorway, try anotherhelp is still available, and you still deserve it.

Conclusion: You Don’t Need to Do This Alone

Domestic violence thrives in isolation and confusion. Resources do the opposite: they connect you to people who understand patterns, believe your experience, and help you map your next stepwhether that’s staying safer today, gathering documents next week, or leaving months from now.

If you take one action after reading this, let it be small and doable: save one hotline number, share this guide with someone you trust, or call 211 to learn what exists in your area. Your future self will thank you for leaving a breadcrumb trail back to safety.

Experiences Survivors Often Describe (and What They Wish They’d Known)

Note: The experiences below are common themes advocates and survivors describeshared here as composite examples to help you feel less alone, not as one person’s story.

1) “I didn’t call because I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.”
Many survivors hesitate because they think hotlines are only for “emergencies,” or they’re worried their situation isn’t “bad enough.” A common turning point is realizing you don’t need a dramatic headline to deserve help. People often describe the first call as surprisingly grounding: an advocate asks simple questions, listens without judgment, and offers options. Survivors frequently say they expected pressure (“You must leave!”) but instead got choice (“Here are three safer stepswhat feels possible?”). If you’re anxious, it’s okay to start with one sentence: “I’m not sure this counts, but I feel scared.”

2) “Leaving wasn’t one momentit was a series of tiny exits.”
A lot of people imagine leaving as a single, cinematic scene: suitcase, slammed door, freedom. Real life is more like a slow build. Survivors often describe leaving in layersfirst emotionally (admitting the pattern), then practically (saving a little money, copying documents), then socially (telling one trusted friend), then physically (staying somewhere else for a night, then two, then making it permanent). Some return multiple times; that isn’t failure, it’s a reflection of how complex safety and resources can be. Survivors often say they wish someone had told them: “Progress counts, even when it’s not linear.”

3) “The hardest part was the logistics, not the decision.”
People commonly report that fear and love get tangledespecially when there are children, shared housing, immigration concerns, or financial dependence. Survivors often describe the practical barriers as the loudest: “Where do I go?” “How do I keep my job?” “What if I lose custody?” “What if they show up at my work?” This is where advocacy services can feel like a relief valve. Survivors often say that once someone helped them list resourcesshelter options, legal aid, emergency funds, safety planningthe situation became less like a wall and more like a complicated but climbable staircase.

4) “After I left, I thought I’d feel instantly betterthen I felt everything.”
Many survivors describe an emotional “aftershock” once immediate danger decreases. Sleep can be weird. Concentration can be worse before it gets better. Some people feel grief, guilt, anger, relief, and numbness in the same hour. Survivors often say it helped to learn that trauma responses are normal, not a sign they made the wrong choice. Support groups, counseling, and trauma-informed care can help with rebuilding confidence and boundaries. Practical self-care also matters: predictable meals, hydration, movement, and restboring on paper, powerful in practice.

5) “The wins were small at firstand that’s exactly how they grow.”
Survivors often describe early victories that look tiny from the outside but feel enormous inside: opening a new bank account, getting mail at a safe address, turning off location sharing, sitting through a court hearing, or simply going a full day without being monitored. Over time, those wins stack. Many survivors say they eventually reclaimed parts of themselves they thought were gonefriendships, hobbies, career goals, laughter that isn’t forced. If you’re in the thick of it now, this might feel far away. That’s okay. You don’t need to sprint to healing. You just need one safe step, then the next.